Ten Characteristics of a Conscious Partnership
Why does the honeymoon phase feel like a high that can’t last?
We all want love that is healing, supportive, and transformative; but why is it that we often feel the most terrorized by the person closest to us? After the oxytocin stops pumping, we are left with our partner’s utter humanness—their most crunchy and crabby parts—and our own. By stirring up our most vulnerable and disavowed parts, relationships are an opportunity to be held and seen in our most raw state.
The relentless disappointment we feel in partnership is because we thought our partner would save us from ourselves.
We have to accept the fact our partners are not our life raft, the parents we never had, or the source of our greatest joy or despair. Conscious intimacy is a journey through the unmet needs of childhood, our deepest hopes and fears, and all the things we hate to accept about ourselves. However, through open and honest dialogue, relationships become a crucible to evolve past our conditioning and into a more expansive way of being.
Follow these 10 characteristics of a conscious partnership adapted from Harville Hendrix’s book, Getting the Love You Want and begin to nourish your relationship with IFS-informed couples therapy.
You realize that your love relationships have a hidden purpose—the healing of childhood wounds.
You create a more accurate image of your partner.
You take responsibility for communicating your needs and desires to your partner.
You become more intentional in your interactions.
You learn to value your partner’s needs and wishes as highly as you value your own.
You embrace the shadow side of your personality.
You learn new techniques to satisfy your basic needs and desires.
You search within yourself for the strengths and abilities you are lacking.
You become more aware of your drive to be loving and whole and united with the universe.
You accept the difficulties of creating a beautiful partnership.